This Isn’t An Easy Request To Make ……….

Joe Jake St

“This isn’t an easy request to make.

I have given it some serious thought and wondered if you would like my children?

You see, when we decided to take the plunge and get pregnant, we didn’t realize that they were going to need so much time and money. Now they’ve been around a while, it’s been quite a few years now, we have totted up all of the costs and come to the realization that it’s been an awful lot of expense and that it’s not all been a bed of roses really…
We just thought that you when you had a baby, you cuddled him a lot, he was always going to be grateful for you being a nice person that cared about him, and then he grew up without needing much other than food and a roof over his head and hugs and stuff, you know what I mean, like they do in the movies.
Discovering that each of our kids needed to be constantly educated, needed money, needed guidance and discipline that’s loving and fair when sometimes we were seething inside, well…..it’s been a bit of a shock.

Sometimes they get a bit moody, especially if we don’t spend any time with them, and they’re both very rude when we have guests over if I don’t have time to do stuff with them that day, ya know, like take them to the park to play or to do play dates at their friends houses and stuff and thats just really annoying. Oh and one of them is always getting sick…I lose count of the times he’s had to go to the doctors. It’s really expensive, you know, medical bills. We wanted to buy a new car this year, but now we can’t because of the co-pays, it’s crippling us. We may not even be able to take a second vacation or decorate.
We are very sociable people, though, we love our friends to come over and have dinner and drinks with us, and we don’t like it that the kids won’t just sit there on the couch quietly and watch TV all night and let us have some fun. It’s only a couple of nights a week after all…so anyway, we sat and talked about it and realized that life was just a lot easier before we had them, they don’t really fit into our lives anymore.

We want to move to a smaller house so we don’t have as many overheads, and there probably wouldn’t be room for them. We also didn’t want to have to have a yard to mow anymore, and you know, my kids, they just love their swing set, so our house wouldn’t fit their needs anymore.
Of course, we have made mistakes as parents, and in some ways we have even joked that we have kind of messed our kids up by being the kind of parents we are. We weren’t ever any good at discipline or consistency, that kind of thing. We’re kind of busy people, always got a lot of stuff going on, who has that kind of time to put into their kids?
Oh, but I just know you’d love my kids, because you’re a really good mother with your own kids, and you have lots of time for them so….would you consider adopting them? Oh and by the way, I do REALLY love my kids, they mean the world to me. It’s just, well, you know, like I said, they don’t fit the lifestyle we want anymore.”

Hideous isn’t it? You want to call DEFACS so badly don’t you? What kind of a person would be so self absorbed?
Who would even think about asking that of anyone?
Turns out, three people this month already. Only…they weren’t talking about their human kids, they were talking about their four legged children. Dogs that had been valuable and loving members of their family for years, who had grown with their human children, been a shoulder to cry on during ill health and bad times. No longer valuable because they have gotten older and maybe occasionally poop in the house, or gotten grouchy when there’s a mass of visitors in the home and they just want to be left alone…so much easier to just dump them eh? Instead of working around the dogs changing needs?

To all of the DD family who understand the true nature of the terms ‘love’, ‘family’ and ‘commitment’, I salute you. To those who don’t, I’d like to share a word or two from the Big Guy…

“Love is patient, love is kind……..it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (First Corinthians 13; v.4 &7)
Being a good and loving parent isn’t just about the good times, it’s a forever position, no matter how many legs your kids have.

You Can Tell A Man Who Boozes By The Company He Chooses

Acceptable play at the Desperate Dogs Ranch

Acceptable play at the Desperate Dogs Ranch

From time to time we ask a client to stop allowing their dogs to play with whatever dog it is that they regularly play with and to maybe have a complete break from other dogs for a while.
This suggestion is almost always greeted with abject horror……” But he LOVES playing with Pookie”/ “But it’s my sisters dog! They play together every day, they run and chase and wrestle while we have coffee”/ “But he won’t walk well on a leash so if he doesn’t run in my friends yard, he doesn’t get any exercise!”
Yup, we have heard all of the above proclamations, however, it doesn’t mean that the dog should be playing with THAT particular dog, just because he likes to, or indeed because it suits the humans needs.
Last month, a dog came to visit after an absence of three months.
When the owner came to pick him up after his last visit, I asked if this dog could have no play with other dogs at all for a minimum of six weeks, as he was playing too hard and needed to go cold turkey for a period of time. I explained that rough play can be injurious not just to himself, but to other dogs. And by injurious, I don’t just mean physically…..sometimes just the possibility of a dog bumping into him or her can send any dog into a fearful state, causing them to tense, withdraw, hunch their body, flee or snap! All of which are obviously not good either psychologically or physically. Stress is the foundation of lots of nasty issues in dogs, just as it is in humans.
The dog in question, who we shall name Fido (I really wanted to use a picture of him and black out the eyes dramatically to maintain his anonymity for a giggle but Uncle Pete said I needed to get a life…!) is a really nice dog actually. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, loves to play, run and chase and is very very loving with all humans.
However, if we have a young or very athletic dog dog here, he ups his game and wants to start wrestling…..and then escalates, and escalates.

We don’t allow wrestling between dogs…..we allow physical play of course, but we keep a watchful eye to make sure that it doesn’t descend into a full fledged wrestle, as that is very often a heart beat away from a dog feeling he needs to prove himself and taking it too far. A little like two human friends jostling each other in the shoulder for giggles and grins, but then one getting hurt and smacking the other full on with a real punch. Very often those situations become proper fist fights between humans…..and that’s how it can work with dogs too.

So, back to Fido…..I asked his Mum if she could stop letting him play with whichever dog it was that he was playing with so often as he needed to get out of some nasty habits.
I also suggested that she tell the other dogs owner to stop her dog from playing with other dogs too, so that both dogs got a six week break or more if possible from all other dogs, and instead learned to play some gentle, non physical games using toys and activities instead. And that after the break, they just have supervised walks together with no rough play so that they could both take this out of their play toolbox completely. She assured me she would do that, no problem, and so we booked him in for his next stay on that proviso.
Unfortunately, an hour after she had dropped him off for his last stay here, I could see that this had not happened…… Fido was like a bull in a china shop, going straight in to tackle Hoss to the ground the moment he saw him, and, while Hoss is a big dog who can take a lot, even he yelped out. Next, he jumped on poor old Colin’s back and tried to aggressively hump Ava. He had no sense of boundaries at all, and just saw every dog as a rag doll to play with as he saw fit.
To that end, we kept a cautionary string tied to his collar for every play session, we only put him with dogs that wouldn’t tolerate his behavior and would teach him some boundaries, and then sidelined him into a separate play area on his own when we had a large group that could all play together.
We never ever put the good of one dog against the good of many…..if a dog is a pain in the rear end, the other dogs expect us to take care of it, to take measures to ensure that they don’t have to put up with that nonsense…and rightly so.
There used to be an old poem that my mum recited all the time when we were kids, and if anyone knows the rest of it, please tell me, but the main line of it is “You can tell a man who boozes by the company he chooses.”
With a dog, you can very easily tell the kind of company he regularly keeps by watching his play style. A dog who plays very hard and wrestles profusely, is a dog that has practiced this regularly with another dog, perfecting the art of hard physical play with every visit. Those dogs are so caught up in physicality, they very often never ever learn to use their head in their interactions with other dogs, the physicality gets in the way. Such a shame. It’s like only teaching your child to play soldiers and never opening his world up to the beauty of the written word.
By contrast, a dog who plays occasionally with a calm, easy going dog, engaging in activities that don’t require them to be all up in each other’s business, will learn boundaries and respect for another dogs space.
Surround your dog with the kind of company you’d like him or her to emulate, and you have a far greater chance of your dog being the kind of dog you want him to be. Top of the list should be lots of interaction with respectful, calm, pleasant humans………and then respectful, calm, pleasant dogs.
Enjoy this beautiful weather folks and don’t forget to let your dog play in the leaves!